I have a really awesome friend named Heather. She’s very modest: but her mom will tell you stories about how awesome she is all day long. Heather has four children…and all four of them are pretty awesome, too. Violet spent some time at Heather’s house on Friday. She loved her time there so much that when it was time for me to pick her up she had her very first “terrible two” total meltdown. I would say this was a meltdown of epic proportions, but I don’t want to be dramatic.
I’ve been noticing for the past few weeks how Violet is developing a very strong will. She knows what she wants and when she wants it. I don’t want to discourage this, but I’m getting a little nervous that I’m not ready to have a two year old. I’ve decided that I will peacefully parent my child…up until now that has been a pretty easy task. I’m pretty sure this is about to get real. I’m writing this entry so that my future self can come back and read it for a few reminders from time to time.
Tori, please remember that toddlers are selfish because they are not capable of being anything but selfish. When Violet throws a fit because things are not going her way, it is because she needs to be heard. It’s very frustrating for anyone to be told that they cannot do something that they want to do, or have something that they want to have. She is a human being. Let her melt down, be there in the moment and teach her how to deal with her emotions.
Also, when Violet acts like a two year old in public, she is not trying to deliberately disrespect you. This type of strong will is the only way a two year old knows how to communicate her needs. Please tell her that you hear her and validate her feelings.
Sometimes, Tori, you may loose your cool. When this happens you will feel guilty. Guilt is your body’s way of telling you that you went against your own moral compass. Apologize to Violet just like you would apologize to anyone you loose your cool with. You are only human. It’s about having respect for the people you love. Remember, Violet is a person…even if she is tiny.
A crying kid does not mean you are a bad mom, how you handle your crying kid will better determine what kind of mom you are. Always remember that your goal is for Violet to know that she can *always* trust you and that you support her in discovering who she is.
Remember momma, you’ve got this. You know what’s best for your child and you will survive these very challenging toddler years. It could be worse….she could be a teenager! And just think, if you take the time to work through this now, maybe the teenage years will be a breeze. One can hope, at least.